s my daughter gets ready to enjoy her first summer holiday, I can’t help but reminisce about my own summer holidays from school back in England. My nan and I would have cinema dates, binge-watch Disney movies, and if we were feeling particularly adventurous, a big day trip to Thorpe Park – one of England’s better amusement parks. Yet I don’t think I could have handled the level of excitement my daughter has experienced this summer.
To my surprise, her grandparents offered to look after her for a full six weeks in Henan Province. Just to put things in perspective, as a child, the farthest I ever ventured away from my parents was a camping trip just 50 miles away. The distance between Henan and our home is a whopping 700 kilometers, longer than the distance from London to Scotland. My brain began to frazzle when I started contextualizing just how far away she would be.
Needless to say, my wife and I were a bit uneasy about letting go of our little one for such a long time, despite the deceivingly dazzling smiles plastered on our faces. In all fairness, it’s been about three years since we have had the chance to enjoy extravagances like going on a date somewhere where there are only grownups, or sleeping in past 8 am on the weekends. Surprisingly, this experience ended up enriching all three of us.
As a Brit, I find the differences in grandparenting styles between China and the UK to be fascinating. My nan was the epitome of a fun grandparent, be it giving me a cheeky 10 pounds for a new video game or covering for teenage me and my mates when we sneaked out to watch the soccer.
On the other hand, Chinese grandparents seem to run a much tighter ship. In just a couple of weeks, they managed to improve her table manners, social skills and even her sleeping habits. Sometimes, I feel like telling them, “Hey guys, slow down! You’re making us look bad.” But all jokes aside, I’m genuinely grateful that she has such a caring family that is helping her grow.
The experience has almost dispelled my previous notions of the so-called “little emperors” discussed in the news and on the internet in China. Then again, I have seen just a few too many horror stories on social media to throw my skepticism away just yet. It may be possible that I am simply a fortunate exception in this matter.
I think I would struggle to adopt as rigid a parenting style as they have, but that’s not the point. There is knowledge to be gained from both their military-esque approach and my cockney nan. I find myself thinking of the age-old expression: “It takes a village to raise a child.”
This extended visit has also presented her with the opportunity to embark on adventures not as readily available in Beijing. Henan is a mountainous region, and every time we chat on the phone, she excitedly tells me about her hiking trips, visits to temples, and, by her account, much more important and majestic than all of that, the local playgrounds.
As a result, spontaneous road trips have become a weekly affair. I found it amusing to call my 3-year-old only to hear her say, “Sorry, Dad! I can’t talk right now. Gran and I are busy singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall” (the Chinese equivalent, of course).
We do try our best to explore all the fun places Beijing has to offer, from local zoos to cultural landmarks. However, in a bustling metropolis like Beijing, planning big trips requires quite a bit of effort, especially without a car.
These adventures have also fostered a sense of community that some children may find challenging to experience in a big city. My daughter now speaks English with a hint of a Brighton accent and uses traits of the Henan dialect when speaking Chinese. Back in Henan, she has already made countless new friends who speak a similar brand of Chinese. The whole thing has made me realize the value of regular visits to both sets of grandparents.
Of course, all this fun and excitement does come at a price. We miss her dearly, and she often tells us the same. In an ideal world, she’d prefer if we all lived in Henan year-round, but for practical reasons, that’s not currently feasible. However, we’ve promised her that when we go to pick her up at the end of the month, we’ll spend a few days in Henan to explore her new stomping grounds.
Back up north, my wife and I have made the most of our alone time, reconnecting with each other, and our relationship has never felt stronger. Now, the three of us feel rejuvenated and ready for the adventures that lie ahead.
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