Feeling like Gulliver

Now imagine that instead of going up one clothes size, you increase by four or five sizes at once. Not over a long period of time, but in an instant. How can this possibly be? What on earth did I consume to become so gargantuan? Well, this is sadly a common experience for foreigners in China. Not because we eat too much pizza (although we do eat too much pizza) but rather thanks to the oddities of Chinese clothing sizes. 　

People warn you about buying clothes in China before you arrive. They explain that the average Chinese person is a little shorter and a lot slimmer than the Western average. But averages are only approximations, and there are plenty of exceptions. Indeed, there are numerous Chinese people who tower over their Western friends, especially amongst the younger generations. Moreover, not every Chinese person has the body of Kate Moss. Plenty of Chinese people enjoy fried food just as much as their chubby Western neighbors. So why is clothing still such a problem? 　

The main challenge is that, despite apparent international standardization efforts, stores have their own methods for measuring clothes. Westerners are familiar with this too, because it is common to be a slightly different size in different brands. However, in China the extent of the measurement difference compared to Western stores is dramatic. 　

The first time I noticed this difference was when I bought underwear online. I must admit, despite being almost 40 I always relied upon my mother to buy me new underwear every Christmas. However, during the Covid-era, unable to go home, I was forced to shop for myself. Therefore, I cautiously opted to by XXXL sized underwear. Let’s be clear, I am a bigger chap, but XL would more than suffice for my underwear in Europe, and I can wear size L from certain supermarket brands. Buying anything with three ‘Xs’ in front felt slightly humiliating, but nowhere near as humiliating as trying to put them on and realizing that wearing them was tantamount to being castrated. 　

Naively suspecting that the underwear experience was a freak anomaly, I stuck with my plan to buy XXXL sizes and ordered two shirts. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, maybe I deserve the embarrassment. Not only were the shirts ridiculously tight around my belly, they couldn’t fit over my shoulders. Moreover, they seemed to have an arm length that barely reached past my elbow. Now, let’s be clear, I have myself to blame for my beer and ice-cream filled tummy, but I do not have freakishly long arms, nor gigantic shoulders. I still wonder who on earth would fit such a shirt. 　

Eventually I settled upon the realization that in China I must buy XXXXXL sized clothes to have any hope of fitting them. Yes. That is five (5) Xs. Mortifying. Utterly mortifying. Needless to say, after those shopping experiences, and now wearing my XXXXXL shirt to work, starting the annual diet was a little easier than normal. Although smiling at the mirror became a lot harder. 

Thankfully I found solace in three reassuring events. The first was talking to a gorgeously proportioned female friend without an ounce of fat, and realizing that she too struggled to find clothes in China and needed to buy ridiculous sizes. In her case it was partly because she is tall, and partly due to her other attributes. The second relief came when an Adonis of a male friend tried to buy L-sized swimming shorts, only to be laughed at with hysterics by the salespeople, who handed him 3XL shorts to try on instead. But the best relief was when I entered a Western clothing in China and tried on their XL sized shirts only to realize that they fit comfortably. I was so excited in the moment that I expanded my shopping and bought an XL ‘Loose Fit’ T-shirt… only to realize that it was so big I could essentially wear it in lieu of a nightgown should I ever play Ebenezer Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. Thank heavens for that store, and for the pizza delivery man.