China has a problem with sex – specifically, the ratio of men to women. It’s one of the worst in the world. For every 100 women, there’s an extra five men who can’t find a match. Scale that up and you have millions of men who won’t marry, no matter how much their family harangues them. For most guanggun, the “bare branches” of the family tree, it’s a source of stress. But for some, it’s a liberation. Here are some I’ve met, with names changed for privacy.
This bold young man was raised in a tiny village, but he’s shrugged that off like an old shirt out of fashion. Europe is now his home.
We met him poolside, working on his rich tan – a rare sight here – with a wide face, small eyes hidden by large bright sunglasses, and hair a fairy tale bramble of twisting curls. He struts and smiles with a confidence lacking in most, certain since boyhood how he wants to live life. He was frank with his mom early on, renouncing the old ball and chain to live and pledged to an unfettered life abroad. She’s been supportive throughout, another rare wonder here.
He cares nothing for marriage or, it seems, his father. He’s been waiting impatiently for them to divorce since he was 12.
It was only the pandemic that brought us together, as the first fatal wave of infections kept him from returning home to Italy. Flights were extortionate and the bureaucracy was even worse. But his one true love waited in a villa overlooking the sea: Pablo, a huge golden retriever. Ray would move heaven and earth to return to that beautiful, shaggy beast.
And so he did. After just two weeks in our guest room, he was flying off to Rome. He’s now back with Pablo again and having the time of his life.
Cody lives in Shanghai now, far from parental concerns. It’s terribly expensive, he sighs, with a cool puff of a slim cigarette, equal parts pride and chagrin.
This committed bachelor wears his hair shuttled forward, salon-curled and rolling in Rococo swirls along fair skin slowly aging under the nicotine haze. He’s up to a pack a day, but he wants to quit in three years. He’ll be 30 then and he’s heard the body just doesn’t bounce back after that. He’s right, of course.
Cody’s done PR long enough to find the networking dull. There’s no longer the desire to know and be known. Now it’s just free drinks. He finishes two ciders to my three beers, but empties half his pack. The smoke is gentle and sweet.
I was useful to him earlier, providing Beijing contacts in my magazine days, but by now he’s just a drinking companion at unexpected times. I’ll sip and smile, but I’ll never have much to say.
There’s a cocky energy to Warren and he’s not shy to tell you where it comes from. But there’s more than biology behind the halfsmirk that animates his long northern face. Both parents are provincial officials, in and out of government, and he’s been swaddled in that privilege since birth. One of his favorite anecdotes sees him sent off by Mother, chauffeured to a destination unknown. Upon arrival, the staff’s makeup and clothing (or lack thereof) chased away all confusion. Whether the teen sat awkwardly with the older woman to wait out the hour – or instead revealed a virtuoso talent – varies depending on his audience.
What’s clear is he wants to get away. Years ago his parents heard he’s not the marrying kind, and they were clear: If it’s true, he’s cut off from everything. He denied it all, of course, but quickly started a business to support himself if the hammer falls. It’s been a scramble for cash since then, even liquidating a property he was set to inherit. That too came with parental strings, since Mother was then getting a promotion and the sale had to be quiet. Transactions like that invite scrutiny and he’d already been interviewed as they vetted her. “It was not pleasant,” he reports.
But now he’s calling it quits. “I need a way out,” he told me. “You wouldn’t imagine the lengths my parents go to get me married. Recently they’ve been cranking it up since I’ll be turning 36 this year. They even got the mayor to corner me so I’d agree to go on blind dates they’ve set up.”
So the plan is to sell the business to anyone with cash, grab a flight to the US, and get a company there. It seems impossible this year, with visa services and air travel strangled by the pandemic. But if anyone has the chutzpah to pull it off, it’s this guy.
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